My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
