I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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