Nicole vs. Life
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
