i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
