Where is the hickey?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
