Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
