Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
