Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
