just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
