He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
