i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
