I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
