im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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