I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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