Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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