69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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