Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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