Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
