Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
