I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i dont even know how to be here
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
