Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
