I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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