Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
