She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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