I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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