remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She made me pour olive oil on her.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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