Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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