There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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