Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
