i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
