sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
