: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
