I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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