Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
