so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
