Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
