They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
