remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
