i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
