the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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