the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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