Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
