I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
