I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
