she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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