I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
