There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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