Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My vagina is very pro this idea
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
