I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
