just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
